Little sad, decisions, future....

I know I meant for this to be a daily blog...

The husband has been gone training again. It seems like he's always gone. It seems like I'm always alone. Sure, the kids are here, but I still feel always alone. At night I go to bed by myself, in the morning I wake up by myself, I take care of the kids by myself, I eat dinner by myself, and then at night I go to bed by myself and in the morning I start my day all over again. Elizabeth is 4 1/2 months old and he has only been around for half of her life so far. He's missed her smiling, playing, laughing... I think Claire is use to him always being gone. This past time the first few days she refused to eat dinner at the table and asked for dadda the whole time. Now she is once again use to him being gone. For me, I'm exhausted again. Emotionally, I miss my husband. I miss my best friend. I think about is this what I have to look forward to for the next 20 years? Being alone? Raising the kids by myself? Physically, I am exhausted. I don't get "sick days". I don't get breaks. Days that I wake up with stomach pains and throwing up, I still have two children to care for by myself. Days when I'm so tired I can barely stay awake, I still have two kids to take care of. When Claire is being bad, or up my butt, I don't get to step out of the house to take a break from her. When I need to grocery shop it's always lugging both kids. Lugging Elizabeth in her carseat into the store and Claire into the cart seat. Then trying to quickly grocery shop before Elizabeth gets cranky in her carseat or Claire causes too much havoc.

Soon we have to decide where we want to go next, whether he will stay in the Marine Corps, what job he wants to do, etc... It's such a tough decision. It's deciding between whether he continues to be away from me and the children, whether he continues to miss out on the children's lives, his safety, and so on....

I just don't know. I just know that right now I'm tired of always being alone.

I'm tired. I'm alone. I miss my husband.

Medicine eater & chicobags

So today my darling just turned 2 year old decides to take one of the dining room chairs, push it to the kitchen counter, "make her sister a bottle", and open up my mon-fri pill case and taste all of my medicine that was in the case. Luckily, the case was nearly empty and had only one prescription that was left in each day. She didn't eat any of them, she just decided to taste them. So of course, I had just got off the phone with the husband, so I call him back and tell him what his darling 2 year old has got into. He tells me to call poison control. I call poison control. The lady was very nice and knew the medication and said she wasn't worried since Claire did not swallow any of them. Said to give her something to drink and she'd be fine. Lesson number 1 for the day, the pill case now needs to be moved higher than the kitchen counter.

I've been using my Chicobags more often. I love having the reusable bags to grocery shop with. They hold so much food in them and I don't have 20 plastic bags that I come home with.

Birthdays, vistors, and more

So after I started this blog, we had a wind of visitors, birthdays, and more throughout the house. Every night I think to myself that I need to write a post, then I get busy, get distracted, and the next thing I know it's procrastinated for another day.

The hubby's two best friends visited us for two weeks. I need at least a year to recover from this visit before I ever agree to them visiting again. Then it was Claire's 2nd birthday. Last year for her 1st birthday the hubby was gone so Claire and I didn't do anything for her birthday. We woke up, I told her it was her birthday, and that was it. I know, great momma, huh? So this year we invited a few of our old neighbors and their children over and had a barbecue. Claire recently went through allergy testing and is allergic to Egg, Peanut, and Barley. So I made her birthday cake at home so I could make sure that no egg would be in the cake or icing. It turned out delicious. A few weeks ago there was a coupon in my Toys R Us flyer for a bounce house, so that was her "big" present this year. Other than that, I had been sticking little things aside hidden in her closet for her. Just some train toys, Melissa & Doug toys, books, and puzzles, that I had found on clearance during trips to Toys R Us.

My birthday was a few days after Claire's birthday. We didn't do much. I'm not an easy person to shop for because there's really nothing that I want besides things for the kids. My mother bought me a Wii Fit. I really need to start working out to loose the rest of the baby chub from Elizabeth. Other than the Wii Fit the only things I wanted are a new vacuum cleaner and a Beco Butterfly to carry Elizabeth in. Well, I bought the Beco Butterfly myself and I have not decided on which vacuum cleaner I want. I originally wanted a Dyson. I suppose because I figured as big of a name it has that it would be worth the money, but after reading more and more online I'm leaning towards the Kenmore Progressive Upright Vacuum Inteli-Clean.

We'll see though, I may change my mind again. I want something better than what we currently have and I'm looking for a vacuum cleaner that works great and will hopefully help Claire's allergies.

We didn't go anywhere the night of my birthday. Instead we waited until Saturday and tried out a restaurant I found online at restaurant.com. It was an interesting dinner. We were going to drop Claire off at the daycare center for parents night out, but when I called on Friday they had already closed registration. I wasn't too bummed as I didn't really want to pay the $4 an hour anyways. She ended up being fantastic during dinner and we all had a great time.

Elizabeth is still beautiful, happy, and chunky! The hubby held her up to Claire tonight to let Claire hold her and I swear it looks like Elizabeth is bigger than Claire. The last time we weighed her last week she weighed 14 lbs at 3 1/2 months old. Claire is only 21 lbs at two years old. She's such a happy baby. I feel guilty sometimes because she is so happy that I am able to get away with not giving her as much attention because I have to constantly watch my active, daredevil, Claire. Claire is just such a high-speed, daredevil, attention hog, and requires so much more of my time than Elizabeth. I feel bad because I don't have as much time as I would like to be able to hold Elizabeth, coo with her, play with her, let her fall asleep on me, and so on. She's a great baby and we are so lucky that she is easy to care for and happy-go-lucky. So the opposite of Claire when she was her age.

Well it is 12:18pm and I am hungry. See, this is my baby chub problem. Night-time eating and snacking. Oh well. What's another night, I'll start my diet tomorrow. Really, tomorrow.

Goodnight to all.
Angela

Daily Angela

It is 5:42am and I have not been to sleep yet. I managed to get side-tracked on my way to going to sleep and the outcome is this blog. I decided that I needed to start a blog to jot down my daily thoughts, what the kids are up to, things around the house, and so on. So with this first post, I start my blog. :) And now, I'm going to sleep.

Angela